Home  /  About the Authors  /  Order Books  /  FAQ's  / Contact Us

RelationshipBaggage.com

The Death Of A Relationship

And The Hopes And Dreams That Went With It.

When a couple breaks up, it can accurately be called the death of a relationship. The thoughts and feelings we have when the relationship ends will be about all the things that we wish had been different, better, or more; and all the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations about the future.

Many people labor under the misapprehension that once a relationship has ended there’s no way they can complete any unfinished emotional business left behind. Happily, this is not true, or they would have to stay incomplete forever. The principals and actions in Moving On help people identify and complete the undelivered emotional communications that keep them tied to past painful experiences. This process does not require that the person you are incomplete with be a willing participant. In fact, you must never attempt to discuss or share this work with your former mate. After all, they are not your helpmate anymore.

Often your attempts to communicate with your mate when you were still together failed. This may not have been because of any unwillingness on your part, it may have been because the other person was unwilling to listen to what you needed to talk about. Or, they may have been unable to talk about the things they wanted and needed from you. Quite often the failed attempts to communicate may have started new and larger battles which are added to your accumulated baggage of incomplete emotional events about the relationship.

Even after the relationship is over, as you replay events in your mind, you may keep feeling hurt and helpless and not know how to end that vicious cycle. You may try to not think about your ex or those events, but then a reminder will appear, outside of your control. You might see someone in the mall who looks like your ex, or a car similar to the one they drove. These reminders will often send you back into the pain caused by the incomplete emotional relationship. As hard as you try, it’s not possible to eliminate someone from your memory.

When a relationship dies we are often left with an extremely lopsided memory picture, almost exclusively negative [although there are also those who enshrine their former mates]. It can seem as if we are the victim of these painful, negative memory pictures. We must identify and complete our relationship to the person as well as our relationship to the pain we generate when we think about or are reminded of the person. And, we must identify and complete our unmet hopes and dreams and expectations.

Identifying the painful events is easy and most people get caught in a loop of just repeating the stories over and over. The real key to Moving On, is learning how to complete all those things you’ve discovered and identified as incomplete. It’s not magical, mystical, or difficult.

All you need to do is become willing to re-visit some of the painful events, and communicate [indirectly] what you would have said had you been allowed to, or if you had known how. It may seem frightening to root around where there has been so much pain. As scary as that sounds, it’s a whole lot better than living a life of restriction and limitation caused by staying incomplete, accompanied by the fact that your unfinished emotional baggage will cause major problems in all future relationships.

Many people today talk of giving away your power. There is no clearer or more painful example of that than to have your life's actions and reactions ruled by the painful memories of someone who is no longer involved in your romantic life.  

Book Order Form